In His Shoes
by Slytherinian
Summary: We all know how Eli felt after Julia's death. Well, Clare gets to know how that feels too, and her sub-conscious isn't willing to let go. ONE-SHOT.


**A/N:: If you really want to set the mood for the story I'd like you guys to play these songs while you read. its' not so much for the lyrics but for the melody and so :) i own none of the by the by. Neither do I own Eli, Clare or Degrassi, I just own my storyline.**

**-If Everyone Cared by Nickleback**

**-On Top of the world by Boys Like Girls**

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><p>Clare was sitting on her usual spot in English class when I came in. Her expression was disracted and she looked uneasy. Things had started to get uncomfortable between us, at least for her. I still loved her the same way, needed her the same. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and she just didn't understand. I sat in front of her.<p>

I tapped her shoulder and leaned in to kiss her. She was startled when she turned around. She didn't seem happy. Clare was... _scared_ of me?

"Clare?"

She looked the other way and laughed nervously.

"Clare look at me. Please." I touched her chin andmade her look at me. "What's wrong?"

"I uh... Nothing!" She smiled. "I'm alright Eli."

"Good." I leaned in again and managed to kiss her this time. I felt her tension for a minute before she put her shaking hand on my neck. I broke the kiss before Mrs. Dawes could come in and catch us.

Her eyes still confused me, and I loved it. I belonged to Clare. She was everything.

...

Class ended and I got up quickly. "Meet me after school!" I shouted to her as I ran out.

My afternoon classes passed by in a whirlwind, I cared too little to notice anything. I needed Clare.

I went to my locker as soon as the final bell rang and then ran outside to where my hearse was parked. Clare wasn't there yet. It would be okay. She'd arrive soon enough.

10 minutes...

"Where is she...?"

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I can't go...

"Clare!"

I looked up.

"Clare, are you supposed to meet Eli?"

"Yes, Alli but... I don't feel like going."

"What? What do you mean? Are you okay?"

"Yes. Well, no, not really." I thought for a moment before adding, "I'm scared."

"Scared? Of what?" I opened my mouth to answer but she interrupted by saying, "Look if you don't want to have sex with him then no one's rushing you okay?"

"No! No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know! I'm just so overwhelmed and I feel intimidated whenever I'm with him. He scares me Alli."

"Whoa, okay. I don't know what happened but you should probably go talk to him if that's the case. If he flips out it's gonna be worse, you know?"

"I guess you're right. I'm just gonna go, get this over with."

"Just... be careful. Do what you have to do, okay?" She gave me an encouraging smile and I tried to smile back.

I walked through the corridors fearing for myself and every person that stood too close to him. I knew he could be aggressive, but it was always driven by his need to protect. That need, lately, had grown too strong. He was dominating, controlling, even possesive. Eli was not the sarcastic, witty, mysterious boy that had me on edge. He was out of control.

I walked out the front doors of Degrassi and saw him leaning on his hearse looking around impatiently. He was never calm nowadays.

"Eli!" I called when I was close enough for him to hear.

His head snapped in my direction and, just like in English class, I was startled and scared. His eyes... he looked like a mad man.

"Clare!" he breathed as he threw himself at me and put his face to my neck, holding me tightly. I could do nothing but try to hold on to him.

He let go of me suddenly and held me by the shoulders at arms length. he looked straight into my eyes and smiled a little too exitedly.

"You came! I thought you would bail on me. I wouldn't have been able to take it if you left."

He pulled me into a suffocating hug and said "I love you Clare... I love you, so much."

I was stunned. He wasn't okay. Where was Eli? This wasn't the same person...

I finally managed to react so I tried to push him back.

"Should we go?" I tried to give him a convincing smile. "I'm a little curious about where we're going."

"Yes! Of course!" He took my face in his hands and kissed me let go of me to open the passenger door for me and then he went around to get in on the driver's side.

We drove for a while, passing some fields and clear srips of grass. Finally, we stopped. We were at the base of a hill. I took a better look. We were on the other side of a cliff.

"Eli? what are we doing here?"

"It's a spot where I used to come a lot before. It's quiet and nice so I used to do a lot of reading here."

He took my hand and we walked up. We sat on the grass when we reached the top.

After a moment, he threw himself at me pinning me to the ground and started kissing me. I hesitated. That was all it took.

He stopped, only to start kissing me again. The only difference: he wasn't gentle about it this time.

I struggled and managed to move my head. This made him stop. He hurriedly moved away from me and stood up, all in one swift movement.

He stared at me fiercely, madly. I could only think about standing up as well before he jumped at me again. I took a few steps away from him as soon as I was up. I could've sworn I heard him growl...

"Eli?"

"Why? Why do you shy away from me? I've done everything! All I ever-!"

"That's the problem! Eli I need to breathe! I need some space! You're-!" I stopped. He had turned around and was walking towards the edge.

"ELI!"

He turned his head to look at me in the eye. His were unforgiving, pained. I felt like I was watching the moment when Julia died, how he felt.

"I love you...Clare."

On impulse, nerves, probably out of fear, I said "I love you too, Eli". But he knew.

"You don't." A single tear fell from the corner of his left eye.

I screamed.

"Clare! Clare, please! Wake up!" begged a male voice.

I opened my eyes to see a very worried, very pale Jake. He held my face in his hands.

"It was just a dream, Clare. Look at me." I tried to. "Just a dream," he repeated, but I wasn't paying attention.

"I do love you..."


End file.
